Ohh girl, that’s a very touchy subject. One that isn’t a stranger to most successful women. I think an entire book can be written on this, but I will leave that to the professionals.

Truth be told, men are always going to be men. And while we can sit here and think to ourselves that we don’t need them, I agree with you when you say “everyone needs love in their lives”. Men need to feel wanted and needed, and sometimes as women who are “doing it”, we project this “I don’t need you, I can do it all by myself” attitude, that essentially can intimidate and then result in resentment. A definite poison.

Relationship wise, they always talk about sacrifice and compromise… but at what cost? Ideally, I’d like to say that 2 very ambitious people would support eachother to achieve eachothers’ goals no matter what, but eventually man and woman will have to play their God given roles. Whether it be to have the children, pay the bills or even sexually pleasure eachother. It’s a game we all have to play, and all with no rules.

I have, actually the last 2 guys I dated were intimidated with my work and what I did. One guy actually said…”I’m normally the one who is the busy one in a relationship…I’m not used to my girl being busier than me” the other one found that he felt very insecure with what I did and my job. Where are they now? Not with me…I couldn’t have a guy hold me back from what I do, specially when I’ve worked so hard to get where I am.
I read “Act like a lady, Think like a man” in one chapter Steve speaks on this very same topic. He said that when a woman is independent and her man feels that he isn’t needed it will cause problems in the relationship. Men like to feel like their woman needs them, they want to provide security for their family, so when a woman shows that she doesn’t need him, he will pull away and find someone that does need him. He says that even if you are independent you should still make your man feel needed.
I’m not sure how I feel about that…I agree with what he saying in terms of woman making their men feel like they have a purpose for being there and needed but only as long as your man isn’t holding you back from what you do. This is the 21st century and most woman aren’t the stay at home, cook, clean and take care of the children while the men are the sole providers.
Chances are, if he he wants to hold you back, he will try to control you in other ways too…so my advise is, leave him before you get in too deep.

this touches really close to home for me. i am by no means where i want to be career wise, still have a very long way to go. i have however come a very long way from where i started and it hasnt been easy. i have 2 kids, making my grind a full time all day everyday deal. i am not with the father of my girls and yes there were TONS of other reasons for it but this is one that was always there (yet he never really liked to admit to). he was insecure and felt threatened by where i was. used phrases like “why are u tired? u’re sitting at a desk all day” and “im not like u ok. cushy jobs dont just land on my lap” and of course there was the money talks “why are u always crying broke? i make all my payments with half the amount of money u get. u suck at managing ur money”…u get the idea. the list goes on and on.
first of all…i started in my profession by soliciting people to give to a hospital on the phone while i was pregnant with my first daughter. i was going to school, doing co-op and working 2 jobs. so no…my jobs did NOT just land on my lap! i’ve never been able to understand why or how a man can feel threatened by their woman being more successful then them?!? as partners u r both working towards the same goals. especially when u have kids involved!! everything u do is for them and to secure THEIR futures! i make an average living, he is in the under achieved category. he has the young black male syndrome, that born to fail mentality. i used to always say “its ok baby. we’ll be fine. the perfect job is waiting for u, u’ll find it.” i would try to be the supportive girl, the best mother i could be and slowly achieve my professional and academic goals. i used to feel bad, i wouldnt even talk about work at home.
now we’ve been apart for a year and it has been the most empowering time of my life. i am the sole supporter of my home, i help my family back home in Nicaragua and take care of my manic depressive mother. i by no means have the capacity to do this but am always amazed at how i manage to fight the odds and make it…on my own. never underestimate urselves ladies. we r sooo strong. dont ever let a man tell u differently or make u feel differently.

You are so true, many things can be said on this topic. The lits goes on and on. You bring very valid arguments as well, there can definitely be an intimidation factor from men when they are faced with such women. I always ask myself that too “at what cost?” , what do we have to give up to still please our goals and please our men? As you said eventually there comes a time where we do have to assume those responsibilties, otherwise we chose to be alone. There are no rules, I love that you said that. It is indeed a very important point because each relationship is different, so it would be very difficult to give overall rules for everyone.

Thank you for sharing, brought a new spin to my thoughts.

Girl, the first thing I have to say about that is above all make sure you are happy. Secondly, if you really love this man, as the previous person commented at some point there will have to be some sacrifice. Eventually, we all want to find someone who doesn’t make us compromise who we are and who we aspire to be. I also feel that perhaps, there is another aspect to making a man feel needed, that perhaps doesn’t have to include the typical stuff. Maybe there are no rules, as our previous reader commented. Therefore each to be dealt with on a case by case basis with our partner and finding a happy medium for both parties.

Thank you for sharing… Glad to hear I wasn’t the only one.

You know what is amazing about your story, the fact that you have stuck to your vision through it all and kept moving forward. That is the essence of the broken heel moments, that you kept striving despite the obstacles. Seems to me that you know exactly what you want and are going towards it no matter what. AMAZING ! Congratulations girl. You got it bang on the nose, we should never underestimate ourselves. The way people treat us is very much based on how we show them and allow them to treat us.

Thank you for commenting on this, I enjoyed reading your comment. Keep striving !

Have I been in this situation before?

Welcome to my everyday life…

*sigh*

I think once you find the “right” one, these insecurities go out the window…or at least that is my hope…

just tired of kissing frogs.