What is love? What is being in love exactly? Everyone has their own answer to that question. In my opinion, that answer is based on your experience with love in your life, mainly with the display of “love” your parents showcased when you were young. The reason why I am thinking about this topic is because I am currently witnessing a lot of my girlfriends in chaotic relationships, I myself have had a few. Which leads me to wonder, what is love ?  Why do we deem certain actions disguised as love, LOVE ?

When I was three years old, I watched my father hit my mom. I remember so clearly. They were having an argument and I had never heard them argue so loudly. So I snuck on to the stairs and took a seat, peeping to see as much as I could. Then I saw it, my father holding my mother and shaking her and hitting her. I was three, the first thing I did was run to save my mom.  I didn’t get too far, my father saw me and yelled at me to go upstairs or I would get in trouble. That day stayed in my mind  and still replays now. Soon after my parents were divorced.

What is love? I am not sure, that’s what love was to me. My first notion of love at 3 years old was my father beating on my mother. I didn’t have any other examples of love in my life. All I knew was love seemed to be two people together who yelled, argued, faught, and a woman being beat by her husband. I never heard my parents say, I love you. I never saw my parents being affectionate with each other. That makes me question, What is love? My past definitely plays a role in my relationships as an adult. Unwillingly, I don’t blame my past for my present. However, it is clear that I still don’t really know what love is. Even now, when I do meet someone who seems to be really in love with me… I don’t recognize it and it takes quite a bit for me to get over my preconceived notions of love.

Which then leads me to, abusive relationships. What is love to women who stay in abusive relationships?  I used to judge and think it would be easy for them to pack up and leave. I learned now that it isn’t that easy. There is a lot more that goes into it. What is love? If a man can call himself your one and only and hit you and beat you and still want to be in a relationship with you?

What is love if they can call that abuse love? Can’t it just be that everyone has had examples of love in their lives that were different. Therefore everyone has a different definition of love?

That is a broken heel moment…which then leads me to believe that not all broken heel moments are within our reach to fix. Some of them just are.

Have you ever had to deal with a friend in an abusive relationship? Have you had your own abusive relationship? Do you think your parents were your main and only example of love in your life?