When I was 12 years old, I had my first boyfriend (lets call him Jacob two two, for the sake of this story). It was exactly what you think it was, puppy love. One the phone every night after school, early morning Saturday watching cartoons, eating cereal on the phone kind of “love”. We developed a very close bond, to my surprise 15 years later he is still around. This is way before Facebook started connecting people, he’s not even on FB. lol Through these 15 years he let me down countless times. Every time he did I would run to my cousin, as she let me cry on her shoulder every time.
I still don’t think he meant for it to be that way, granted he never tried. I also think that his lifestyle and job had changed the person he became. Gave him different priorities. He didn’t have a regular job, if you know what I mean. Kinda Hollywood meets streets dreams. If that makes any sense.
Somehow I always wanted to believe that the fact that we had known each other for so many years, meant that we had something special. I cherished having known someone for so long despite having moved around so much. This was the only person I have known for so long.
He made me cry a lot, he let me down a lot. For some reason, I always forgave him and tried to understand that his lifestyle was the reason he was being this way. It seemed he never gave his all when it came to our friendship. He would call, when he got around to it, sometimes months later, never made time to see me. That made me question the friendship, as the people that I call friends don’t act that way. I felt as though I barely knew him anymore and he barely knew me. Last April, I went back to my hometown and I decided to call him. The company I worked for was having an event at his establishment, so I thought I would give him a call so we could catch up. It had been at least 9 months since we caught up. Everything was wrong that night, I didn’t get the right feeling, it didn’t feel like catching up with an old friend. It felt like meeting someone knew. Once again, I was left disappointed as when the night was over, he disappeared without saying bye.
I was with my guy friend who then said to me “Again, he let you down again, why do you keep letting him do this to you?” I was so upset all I could say was ” I don’t think he did this on purpose there has to be a reason, let me call and find out” The friend I was with has seen me a lot of times be disappointed by Jacob Two Two, so he grabbed my phone out of my hand. The rest of my time in town, I didn’t call him. I resisted the urge although all I wanted to do was call him and yell at him. I was told by my guy friend that it would just give him power over the situation. So I didn’t. We talked about 6 months later and I explained to him how I felt that night, I think it was the first time in EVER that I really told him all the hurt he caused me throughout the years. He said nothing, he stayed quiet and admitted that he hadn’t been the best friend. He gave me the usual “You are such a good friend to me, you are like a sister to me.. bla bla bla, yaddi yaddi ya… our friendship means so much to me. So I replied: “If it does mean that much to you then prove it, I am no longer making an effort to be your friend, I have done enough. You know where to find me and the course of your actions will determine whether or not your words were true”. Since that talk, he has reached out several times, made the effort to call and see how I was. I could see that he is trying more than I remember him trying in the past years.
Some people say it was naive of me to give him, yet again another chance. I am not sure why, but I often do this and think that people will change. Do you think people can change? Do you ever think its too little too late? Does the amount of time you have known someone play a role in how many chances you give them?
My cousin, who watched me cry all these tears says it was too little too late. So much so, she has taken a stance. She has outright told me that she doesn’t think that I should speak to him anymore and that continuing to speak to him would lead to a lifetime of pain. WOW I was stunned when she said that. She also said that if I chose to speak to him again, and had him let me down one more time that she did not want to hear anything about it. Yet still I decided that maybe he was worth another chance. Why? I am not sure why actually. Maybe its just the amount of time that I have known him for that plays a factor in my decision. Do you have people like this in your life?
