Written by krissy November 27th, 2009 | Published in Broken Heel Diaries | 6 Comments
Wednesday night I was talking to a guy on the phone, we are getting to know each other. So far so good. Conversation is flowing, then out of nowhere we start talking about travelling and I express to him that I want to take a lot of trips in 2010.
Here is how the convo. went:
Guy: “Are you going to take me with you on your trips ?”
ME: “UH NO !?!” I mean I just started talking to this guy, why would I bring him on trips, besides I have never brought a guy on a trip with me before. Surely if I was in a serious relationship with someone I would take them on a trip.
Guy: “Why not?”
Me: “Well would you take me on a trip? Why would I take you on a trip when I don’t even know if you would”
Guy: “That was a test and you failed, now I know that you are selfish and wouldn’t do anything for me unless I did it first”
Me: “That’s not right, that’s not how this works. You can’t ask a question with hidden motives and expect the answer to apply. What is this grade 2 who tests people????”
I didn’t even know what to make of this part of the conversation. First I thought to myself, how old is this guy that he has to “test” me? I never knew we were playing a game. I don’t feel bad for my answer, I feel bad for not saying that I think HE should be taking me on trips. I don’t expect a man to take care of me, but I surely don’t want to take care of a man. Him asking the question that way made me feel that he was looking for me to take care of him, which is probably why he got the answer he got.
If you are asking someone a question with a hidden agenda, or without explaining that you have a hidden motive I doubt you are going to get an answer that corresponds with your question. I believe in observing a person’s actions but testing them? Seriously, that’s too much for me. Two days later I am still confused, because everything was going well with our few conversations, now I am bothered by the fact that he thinks testing me is ok. I can’t help but think how many tests has he already put me through without me knowing, or how many other tests will there be. That makes me feel uneasy, and makes me feel as though I can’t be myself now. Who wants that?
What do you think? How would you deal with a man that was “testing” you? Have you deal with a “tester” (lol) before?
Test? He’s deciding what category to place you in. (hoe, giver, strong independent woman, potential for future) Your response is what should come natural when asked a stupid question like that. His response to you was his way of trying to manipulate you to believe you didn’t respond correctly or to his wishes. Its great that you stood up for your standards and he’ll respect that. Depending on what he’s looking for though, he may just up and keep it moving based on the fact that you’re ‘not that girl’ who’ll do anything for him. There’s many out there who will so if he doesn’t smarten up and work a little harder at trying to impress you, cut his ass off…
If anyone should be testing anyone, he’s the one who’s being tested…you’re a lady, you’re giving HIM the chance!
xoxo,
Lowe
test = serious insecurity! i would run fast the other way if i were you! i think people are constantly “testing” each other in more or less conscious ways, example observing behaviour like you said, but to come out and say “that was a test, you failed” shows a serious lack of maturity to me. he wants to make you feel bad for being honest (and perfectly reasonable to anyone normal) and that is not a good sign. who knows what else is lurking in the depths of this man’s ego, watch out!!
Lowe you are so right, what’s even funnier is I don’t really care what he thinks. I just think that his game was stupid. I also think that he was trying to make me think my answer was incorrect.
I love how you said this “If anyone should be testing anyone, he’s the one who’s being tested…you’re a lady, you’re giving HIM the chance.”
Thanks for reading !
Nadine you totally made me laugh, with the running the other way line lmao. It was a lack of maturity to me too. Thanks for the tip, will surely keep in mind. NEXT !!! LMAO
And shouldn’t he be the one taking you on trips? I’m just saying…
That’s what I said… lol I mean I can take myself on trips as I do, but I ‘ll be damned if a guy EXPECTS ME to take him on trips… lol