Business etiquette: create your own lane

Written by krissy November 30th, 2009  |  Published in Broken Heel Diaries  |  6 Comments

A few years back met this girl through a friend, and he thought we would get a long great. We hung out for a bit, became close. (somewhat) She had just moved to the city and didn’t really know anyone. Slowly but surely, I started to notice that there was something funny about her.

I brought her to a few of my clients, she met them for maybe 30 seconds. Next thing I know she went on FB searched through my friend’s list and added them as her friends. Noticed she was messaging them regarding business opportunities. Weird I thought, but I brushed it off. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. One day though, my client  told me she came in asking for a discount, without me. She didn’t even know the guy. I was livid to say the least, so I brought it to her attention, told her I didn’t appreciate it. She said she understood.

Next thing I notice, she is adding more and more of my friends on FB who a lot are my clients  and networking through my friend’s list. I am not sure if she didn’t think I would notice but I did. My clients would also ask what was up with that. At this point, I said nothing because what could I say, anything I would say would sound petty. Brushed it under the rug, then long behold she tricked me a third time.

We take a trip out of town, met up with a good friend of mine, whom she was meeting for the first time. We met up with him at this restaurant where he was meeting with the owner to discuss future business opportunities. As we walk in, he introduces us to the owner. We are at the bar having drinks all three of us, then I turn around and she is gone. Please guess where she was? Exchanging business cards with the owner of the venue.

 That is such bad business and is not a good look at all. First of all, I am all for networking but if you really wanted the owner’s contact info then out of courtesy you should ask the person who invited you there. That would only make sense. Apparently business etiquette isn’t so obvious.  As soon as I saw that, my whole mood changed, I couldn’t believe that once again she was proving to me that loyalty and business etiquette was not part of her game. Did I say something about it ? NO. Maybe I should have but I decided to forget about it, and decided that she had already shown me who she was and I should have payed attention the first time.

We go back home now, and once again she repeats the same thing. She becomes friends with my friend and totally ditches me. Doesn’t try to make plans with me or call me anymore but somehow she has more interaction now with the friend I introduced her to than me. (Who by the way doesn’t even live in this city) I decided that I am over it, one day I will have a conversation with her about it. I have to figure out how to word it all. Until then I have no time for this friendship in my life.

I have worked really hard to make the contacts that I have, and I don’t think its fair that someone thinks they can just take them and make them theirs. Further more without having any loyalty, respect or business etiquette. I feel that remaining friends with her would only lead to more disappointments. Moral of the story is, in business its important to create your own lane, you can’t try to build who you are by steering in someone else’s lane. Have confidence that you can carve your own path.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? What did you do? What would you do if you were in my shoes?


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4 Comments

  1. Bella, November 30, 2009:

    That’s just foul! You need to give her a life lesson and tell her that’s just not the way to go about networking. If she wanted help, she just has to ask and not act sneaky and pretend to be helpless and do that crap to you! She probably has been doing that for a long time, probably heard about you and your success from SOMEBODY else and you are just part of that chain (why am I so livid!) I HATE conniving people; she clearly singled herself out as a hater by doing that, can’t leave your contacts alone and has to go and grab them for herself. People like that will never be half as successful as you are!!

  2. RR - HLBB, December 1, 2009:

    Okay.

    You NEED to call her on this. Not for her sake but for yours.

    Because you’ve tried to be a friend, you have left your good (business) name vulnerable and (somewhat) associated with hers. Should she ever try to pull this stunt with one of her new “friends” (i.e. your friends and contacts) they will associate her behaviour with you and you are much too professional for that.

    We discussed the “3 strikes rule” I have for friendships on Twitter (remember? Was that convo about her?)…so I don’t know how much you have invested in this particular friendship. But I would remove all ties from her (Facebook, twitter, networks) you don’t need to make a huge announcement about severing ties, but I think it would be good to put some distance between the two of you…

    (smiles) can you tell that I may have had some, ahem, experience with this matter? *wink*

    RR

  3. krissy, December 1, 2009:

    Bella girl, let me tell you that was foul, still is. Worst part is this is not a recent story. Someone asked me a my point of view on her yesterday, they wanted to hire her for a gig. I didn’t want to speak about the bad so I said nothing. However I had to vent, so
    I decided to write about it. Thank you for the compliment, I just hope that she one day realizes that what she is doing is wrong. I also hope that no one else has to go through this. Maybe it was just something against me. Who knows !

  4. krissy, December 1, 2009:

    You are right, RR, I do need to call her out for my sake. I just need to figure out a way to do it calmly without being dramatic.You are so right, I will be associated with her, although we no longer speak. We did discuss the three strike rule :-( This wasn’t for her, I seem to keep a lot of people around that really shouldn’t be. I have removed all ties long time ago… Didn’t say anything about it either. lol What was your situation? Was it similar?

    Thanks for reading and sharing

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