The past week has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I have been told that I place myself in these situations by having men take control of my emotions. I have also witnessed with other women that I am not the only one. Why do we give men so much power in our lives? Why is it that for some of us women, if a man does something hurtful to us it will automatically shift our mood?
I spent three days last week being incredibly sad over a guy. I was hurt and I sat there and allowed him to take over my thoughts and emotions for a whole 72hrs. Could I have done otherwise? Probably, but for some reason I always let the thoughts of things going wrong with a guy consume me. It doesn’t matter how well things are going in other areas. Which at this time everything else is going exceptionally well. I have a huge fear, and it is often a dream I have over and over where I am successful I achieve all the things I want professionally, and I am alone. I always feel like I am choosing one or the other. A lot of the heartache I find myself in these days is because I chose my career first in the past, the thought of getting everything I want is grand. I feel closer to my dreams everyday. However, the thought of having everything and not having what I dream of most; a family because I see myself getting older, scares me.
That is why I am hurt and allow men to consume my emotions so much. With every good potential candidate that leaves my life, I feel that I am one step further away from my idea of a family, the immediate family I never had. I know what everyone says, it will happen. Well guess what? It still bothers me. I feel that its the only area of my life which I have no control over. I am getting older, I don’t have anyone serious in my life and the people who I thought would be my life partners “are not ready”, whatever that means. The point is, I have no doubt that I will attain anything I put my mind to career wise, perhaps its the fact that I am in control of my professional life, that I would like to be in control of my love life as well. Unfortunately that is not the case, I am at the brink of a great career change that will be everything I have wanted, yet still I cannot be happy because I feel that I sacrificed love for my career.
Have you ever felt this way? What have you done not to feel like this?
