When I was younger, my father had a daughter with another woman, in another country. It was hidden from me til I was about 10 years old, when I found out, I wanted nothing to do with her. I didn’t want to meet her, or nothing. Doesn’t help that as I was growing up my father would always tell me “I wish I didn’t waste all this time and money on you, and spent it on her instead, she would have made the most of it”. Every time he said those words to me, he didn’t realize that he was using her in the wrong light, in comparison to me and making me not like her. I wasn’ t even old enough to make the distinction that what my father was talking about was rubbish.

Fast forward years later, about 7 years ago. She came to live in Canada with my paternal family. She was so happy to find out she had a sister that she wrote me a deep letter pouring out her little heart and saying how happy she was. I was at a stage of my life where I was living on my own, and not really speaking to anyone in my family since I had been kicked out. I think deep down I was afraid of getting hurt, and I wasn’t letting anyone in. Like the ultimate worst big sister you could ever ask for, I totally crushed her dreams of having an older sister. I dismissed them all. I would only see her when I went to Montreal to visit family, otherwise I was in Toronto so I lived my life without seeing her, out of sight out of mind as they say. Years passed, I saw her once in a while but didn’t really take the time to get to know her at all.  Lately, I have been thinking of how selfish I was, and how stubborn I was being of not taking the time to get to know her. I thought of how hurt she must have been for all those years, that I shut the door on her having a sister. I would think of it often but would get paralyzed at the thought of taking the first step. Somehow it seemed almost impossible to make up for all that lost time, and for all the pain I must have caused her.

Today, I decided I would try to make things better. I would at least attempt the first step in making things better. I reached out to her and told her I was sorry, and explained to her that it was nothing that she did it was simply that I was going through a difficult time in my life where I pushed everyone away. I was humbled by her answer when she said “No problem, I forgive you. You have a lot of courage to do what you just did and I am very proud of you”.

That  was beautiful, that she could find it in her to forgive me. This is clearly the first step, because actions speak louder than words and I will have to actually show her that my words mean something. I am glad that I took that first step. I learned an important lesson today, you don’t have to know all the steps to take after making the first step. The most important part is making that first step. The rest will follow. Take that first step because it may not mean much to you, but it may mean the world to the person you are apologizing to. I now have this desire inside of me to mend my broken relationships with other people, I will keep you posted on the progress.

I challenge you also, if you have relationships that need a bit of healing- TAKE THE FIRST STEP. Trust me, you will feel better.