I had a bunch of situations yesterday, that proved to have made me reflect on the state of things. It’s as though for once, everything but my love life was wrong. I kept getting slapped in the face, and I turned the other cheek. Although I turned the other cheek, I still felt bruised. I woke up at 5 am, didn’t have much sleep, I have been tossing and turning thinking about everything. Overall, when it comes to my career I feel depleted. I know that I am great at what I do, I am ambitious, I am driven – however I feel that my current employer continuously makes withdrawals without making any deposits in my growth account. I was left to wonder – until what? Until I no longer have it in me anymore to continue? Which the faint thought of that frightens me because my career and the skills I have harnessed over the past few years are my greatest pride. I feel that I am being tested. I am not sure what the test is at this time, I am sure there is a sign somewhere I am missing but right now I feel like ultimate crap.

I feel like people keep taking pieces of my skills, pieces of my ambition to further their projects, to further themselves, as I sit there and joyfully continue to let them deplete me. Left wondering, what about me? I can’t completely blame them for it, I know I have some of the blame to take but regardless of who is to blame – the fact is that its apparent something here is not sitting right inside of me.  As someone said to me yesterday “Don’t give away all your secrets to getting things done” . One thing is for certain, I have managed somehow to let people carry on as though this was ok with me, not saying anything so I played a role by agreeing to this silently. What should I have done differently? I am not sure, I am still reflecting on that. Do I think I can fix it? Surely but I am not sure how this exact moment.

What I have learned so far through reflecting on this is – once in a while, you must take a time amount to take into account where you are, and if it is indeed going the way you want. Sometimes we get so caught up in the motion, that we forget to evaluate whether or not this situation is  proving to still be alligned with our goals – and whether we are sticking to our goals for that matter. I think I need a time out to think about things and make sense of them. Have you felt this way before? When it rains it pours I guess?!

*image from Weheartit