In the wild, many animals give birth and leave their young behind to fend for themselves. This primitive practice gives way to some of the fiercest and most wondrous creatures on our planet. Take for instance the green sea turtle. Mama Turtle or Mama T leaves the sea only to lay eggs. She digs a deep hole in the sand to bury her eggs. After laying 70-100 eggs, she covers up the hole and returns to the sea. After two months, baby turtles hatch and make their way to the sea. With no parent around to show them the way, these tiny creatures instinctually know that in order to survive, they must make it to the water.
As a mother to a boisterous and sometimes bonkers 9 month old boy, I sometimes think about these little babies. How horrible it must be for Mama T to drop off her little ones and hurry back to the sea. She will never know if they survive. If she sees them in the ocean, will she recognize them as her own? How scary it must be for the babies; having to find their way to the sea. I could never do this, or, could I? As my son gets older, my maternity leave gets shorter. I must return to work, I must return to the sea. I start to see that I have a lot in common with Mama T.
In Canada, we have the privilege of living in a country that recognizes the importance of a parent being at home with their offspring in the first year for birth and first six months for adoption. The government will compensate up to $1600.00 per month in maternity benefit and up to a year for a parent to be able to stay home with a child. We are also protected by laws put in place to ensure that we are not to be penalized upon returning to work for choosing this option.
Just like the sea calls out to Mama T, work is calling me back. Managing a family budget on 1/3 less pay with growing expenses is no easy task. Is it doable? Yes. Is it sustainable? No. In addition to financial security, a work life is also fulfilling. I have made a decision to return to work a month earlier. I have decided to return at the start of the New Year in hopes of blending in behind the holiday haze. With the date now staring back at me, I find myself questioning my time at home with Evan. Did I spend as much time with him as possible? Did I teach him enough? Has our time together given him a sense that no matter what I chose to do in life, he will always be first and the most important choice? These questions plague me at night in between night feedings. Yet, there is no way of telling.
I try to take comfort in knowing that the choice to return to work will allow me to provide a world of security and comfort for Evan. Just like Mama T, I have spent the last year finding a comfortable place in the sand for my young. It may appear that I am just running back to the sea, however, in looking more closely, I realize that I am teaching Evan that everything has a natural evolution. He will not be loved less because I need to return to work, however, loved more because he is now a reason why I want to work. Just like the sea turtles, he too will one day hear the ocean call. He will know that he can have both, and it is okay to heed that call.
