“We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts not breaths; in feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.” – Aristotle

I was reading an article that posed the question “If you could live  10 years of your life without pain, living in total bliss but you wouldn’t remember a thing- would you do it?”

I would opt not to as I think the experiences we go through, painful or not create our story. Each of those experiences contribute to the person we are. According to Aristotle true happiness comes from gaining insight and growing into the best person your can be. Otherwise you are only creating instances of instant gratification, which dont last and don’t contribute to your growth.

What do you think?

 When I was reading The Zahir one of the most interesting parts of the book, is when Paulo Coelho describes the accomodating point. Reading this made me understand things in my life differently and look at things from a different point of view. Here is his explanation below from his blog on – The accomodating point. Tomorrow I will write how I find that it relates to my life. I thought it would be best to first here from him, what it really means.

Enjoy !

Published on February 11, 2010

Paulo Coelho

In one of my books (The Zahir), I try to understand why people are so afraid of changing. When I was right in the middle of writing the text, I came across an odd interview with a woman who had just written a book on – guess what? – love.

The journalist asks whether the only way a human being can become happy is to find their beloved. The woman says no:

“Love changes, and nobody understands that. The idea that love leads to happiness is a modern invention, dating from the late 17th century. From that time on, people have learned to believe that love should last for ever and that marriage is the best way to exercise love. In the past there was not so much optimism about the longevity of passion.

“Romeo and Juliet isn’t a happy story, it’s a tragedy. In the last few decades, expectation has grown a lot regarding marriage being the path towards personal accomplishment. Disappointment and dissatisfaction have also grown at the same time.”

According to the magical practices of the witchdoctors in the North of Mexico, there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for our having stopped making progress. A trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, disappointment in love, even a victory that we fail to quite understand, ends up making us act cowardly and incapable of moving ahead. The witchdoctor finds and gets rid of this “accommodating point”. To do so, he has to review our life and discover where this point lies.

Why?

Because, according to the story that we were told, at a certain moment in our lives “we reach our limit”. There are no more changes to be made. We won’t grow any more. Both professionally and in love, we have reached the ideal point, and it’s best to leave things as they are. But the truth is that we can always go further. Love more, live more, risk more.

Immobility is never the best solution. Because everything around us changes (including love) and we must accompany that rhythm.

I have been married to the same person for 30 years, but methaphorically speaking, the same marriage contains several “new marriages” during our relationship. Our bodies and souls changed, and we are still togeher. If we wanted to keep on as we were in 1979, I don’t think we would have come so far.

*article taken from here

“How did we make it here?” , “Where ?” pretending I am completely oblivious to the fact that we are walking arm in arm, happy as ever, walking past his old apartment from 7 years ago. He answers “Here ! You know this place, where we are, this stage, how did we get here?”. I think about this for a long moment, and maybe I am so happy to be with him, I can’t even think of the HOW, all I know is it feels absolutely divine. Him and I together it has always felt right. I didn’t really care to know how we made it here, as much as I cared to just remain here. I guess to remain here, I would have to find out how we got here.

When I saw him last night, there was no doubt in my mind that this was my man. I felt so peaceful, I felt so happy, I didn’t want it to end. His touch gave me shivers, walking holding on to him made my heart smile. I didn’t want him to go back (away to school). I wanted to tell him to stay, I knew he couldn’t. I wanted to tell him to come back, I knew he couldn’t. Mostly I wanted to tell him, that I was ready and that we should do this. Then I decided not to rush the speed of things but I really didn’t think we needed further proof that we were both completely head over heels for each other.  I didn’t say any of those things, but when I felt the urge to, I spoke them silently to myself. I know that there is a chance that he may have known all along what I was speaking in my heart.

I think I know how we made it here: real love, patience, faith, lots of forgiveness, truth. Here is to us continuing to be here, here is to you lifting me higher. As I went home, although I knew that he would be gone in a few days, I felt an incredible sense of strength. I asked my friend  “Does it sound silly to say that his love makes me stronger, because I really feel it does” she answered “It’s not silly if that’s how you feel”.

One of my happiest memories is when the Jill Scott album first came out, he gave it to me. I fell in love with this song, and every morning when I woke up I would play this song. It was such a great song for how he made me feel, and even better song to wake up to.

I digress… I am in love, I am happy. kthnxbye

*image from Weheartit.com

Sometimes if not most often, I believe that people should say what they mean to say. I can’t imagine anything worst than living your whole life, witholding how you really feel about things, keeping it all to yourself. Life is too short to not share what you are really feeling with others. Last week, I took my heart in my hand or I put it on my sleeve I should say and poured it all out. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to do it, because I knew they wouldn’t understand. So… I did it. I wrote it out, in this blog to free myself of my thoughts. I didn’t think he would read it but he did. Turns out he more than read it, he loved it. Reading his email on my post made me so happy !  We were able to reach a new level of understanding, that I don’t think we would have reached if I didn’t take the chance to say what I meant to say. Sounds cheesy I know but trust me, sometimes you just need to say what you feel like. Without thinking about the consequences, without thinking about anything other than freeing yourself of what you have been holding on to. I feel so liberated now that I have done this.

Him and I understand where each other are coming from, I feel free and happy about it. This would surely not have happened if I didn’t take the time to say what I wanted to say without worry.

I have had to changed my outlook on life over the past couple of years.  Perception is everything.  It’s like changing your old outdated glasses for the newest trendy style that goes with everything you own.  I really noticed how I starting shining my light differently to the world when people started telling me.  I attended a potluck before just Christmas.  Someone I don’t really interact with on a regular basis jump into my conversation and said to me, “Oh Linda!  You are just too positive.”  I laughed it off and continued chatting.  I have been also told I’m a firecracker and I don’t remember you being this chirpy.  These comments are all confirmations I made the right choice to be happy.

I have learned to be grateful for absolutely everything that is in my life.  It really doesn’t matter what obstacles you are currently dealing with.  You have to know it will pass.  There is a lesson for you to learn and grow from it.  I think life lessons are so much harder than any academic classes.  If you think that you have nothing to be thankful I challenge you to do this exercise.  Start a Joy Journal for 60 days. Write in a notebook everyday for the next 60 days what brought you joy each day.  Your entry doesn’t have to be long.  Just a few words.  It could be a picture of a smiley face because a stranger gave you one that day or that you didn’t receive any bills in the mail or a coworker brought you a coffee that you didn’t expect.  I started doing this exercise back in September and was amazed how much goodness touches me everyday.  It’s truly a celebration of happiness!!

My guy friend came to town this past weekend. I didn’t expect to see him, as I thought he would be spending time with his girlfriend. Saturday night he asked if I wanted to go out with them. I tried so hard to find someone to come with me, I didn’t know what to expect, and surely was not up to be a third wheel. No one was up to it. I knew this would be a great opportunity to spend some time with them, and get to know her a little bit.

Turns out, I had a great time. She was very nice, and I saw immediately why he liked her. She is a very sweet girl. Unlike some of my guy friend’s girlfriend’s she actually made an effort to talk to me. We conversed, and partied. All around good time. I am glad I went out although I was apprehensive, not wanting to be the third wheel. Very glad I went,  I am happy for him

Lesson learned, stepping out, and making the effort to get to know your guy friend’s girlfriend is ALWAYS a good idea. Especially if the friendship means a lot to you. I could see that he was happy that I we finally got to meet, and got along.

As promised, just wanted to keep you posted on the progress of this since the last post Guy friends and their girlfriends

I have a lot of guy friends, always grew up with a lot of guy friends. When it comes to guy friends, and their girlfriends it has always been a tricky situation. Somehow, they always think that we are more than friends, when that isn’t the case. In the past, I made zero effort to get to know my guy friend’s girlfriends. Sounds mean, but really I knew it was never serious. Also, whenever we were introduced they always gave me a serious side eye, as if they never really trust that we are just friends. I normally ignore it, and them. Now, as I am getting older I am realizing that some of my guy friends, and I have very close friendships, and if they are in a relationship that makes them happy, the least I can do is make the effort to get to know their girlfriends. I have never done this before by the way, however I figured it is the grown woman thing to do. I mean, I rather do that then be in an awkward situation where we have nothing to say to each other, and you label me the B*TCH cause you have heard so much about me, yet still I have never reached out to you.

So for whatever its worth, I really value the friendship I have with this particular friend, and this girl makes him very happy. Which makes me happy that he has finally met a girl that makes him so happy. So I want to get to know her… Let her know that I respect their relationship, and in no way am I trying to come in the way of it. As well, if I was in her shoes I would appreciate my boyfriend’s lady friends making an effort to get to know me. That has never happened to me before, having my boyfriends lady friends introduce themselves to me. I think I would like it. I do have to mention, that in the past I have tried in one occasion to get to know one of my guy friends girlfriend went out of my way, and she totally shut me out. To this day, still makes it very awkward when I am around her, because I made an effort, and she didn’t reciprocate. Now when we got out in a group or when she is around, I have nothing to say to her. Weird, I know.

I am looking forward to getting to know her ,will keep you posted !

How do you deal with your guy friends and their girlfriends? Have you ever had a bad experience with your guy friend’s and their girlfriends?

 “I’ve had happy moments in my life, but I don’t think that happiness-being happy- is a perpetual state”

-Grace Kelly