“The psychological and physiological center is the heart. In Hindu Tantras, which are instructions from the gods to humans, the heart is the Anahata chakra, the nerve center that encompasses feeling for another human, feeling for oneself, feeling for the earth, and feeling for God. It is the heart that enables us to love as a child loves: fully, without reservation, and with no hull of sarcasm, depreciation, or protectionism.

…the heart is the central motor of the entire psyche, the only thing that really matters now, the only thing capable of creating pure and innocent feeling.”  – Clarissa Pinkola

Despite how many times it’s been screwed, use your heart. Only then can we experience life as it was designed for us to feel.

* Book: Women Who Run with the Wolves

*Photo by: Me

What doesn’t get talked about are the days where you just want to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry till you drop. How, some days, you wonder why the hell you signed up for this roller coaster ride called motherhood? How you cry yourself to sleep when you realize that you couldn’t take away the bad day she had at school. How, one day, you are going to be “that” Mother in the front of the church bawling with sadness and happiness and emptiness as you give your daughter to another boy. How much you hope and pray that he treats her “right”—that he will worship and be in awe of her— as much as you are.

And so, this is how I imagine my Mother felt about me. She would want me to be happy–to be treated “right”–that the person who is with me will worship and be in awe of me–as much as she was. And so, Mom… I respectfully say to you “I will insist that whoever is in my life –in any capacity– will respect and care for the wonder that is me!” I deserve so much more and I demand to be loved in the way I should be. Good-bye game players, non phone call returners, non e-mailers, persons incapable of making a break from their own bad situations…..There is no room for you in my life anymore.

My name is Nicole-Natassha and I am a self diagnosed love addict, the only problem is I fall for the wrong men.

My bad choices in men have led me to dating Mr. Unavailable, Mr. 30 is the New 20 and Mr. Let’s see where things go.

For now I’m going to focus on the first of the bunch.

Mr. Unavailable is charming, when you actually get a chance to see him. He’s always a gentleman, can smooth talk your socks off and always leaves you with a smile after every encounter.  So, what’s the problem? He’s always so busy, you’re never a priority!  Mr. Unavailable, just like his name, is never around when you need him and conveniently shows up when he’s ready.

Here’s what I mean:

– text messaging thread –

Friday 06/22/11 2:00pm

ME: hey, just wanted to say hi

No response

Monday 06/25/11 10:00 pm

ME: Well I’m not sure if you got my last msg just checking in…

No response

Wednesday 06/27/11 7:34 pm

*out of frustration or desperation (take your pick)  I pick up the phone , call and he answers *

ME: Hey!

HIM: Hey!

ME: So… did you get my messages?

HIM: Yea (pause)… I was just going to respond to you …

YEA RIGHT! Ladies if that’s not a red flag I don’t know what is.

I’ve come to realize, in matters of the heart common sense isn’t so common. When watching movies like “He’s just not that into you” I’m the girl yelling at the TV for the girl to move on but in my own life… you know the rest.

The bottom line is I’ve decided to recognize my own self worth and now I’m unavailable to Mr. Unavailable.

Anyone else have a man like this in your life? Have you ever realized that the men you attract are just the wrong ones for you and how did you change the situation?

Next time I’ll focus on Mr.30 is the new 20 and Mr. Let’s see where this goes so stay tuned!

image via: trustedheartdiagnosis.com

I needed to break up with X, and detach myself from the hold he had on my heart. Looking back on that relationship now, I realize that I was in love with the idea of being in love; I was not in love. I was just following the school of love with its notions that love is precious and that we must do everything in our power to save a relationship even if it sucks the life out of us.

you know you have to let go but it's so hard

When I finally called it quits with X, the breakup was long over-due. It took me two years to find evidence that the relationship wasn’t going to work. But the thing was – I didn’t need evidence. I had that gut feeling us women like to call intuition. If I had followed my intuition, it would have saved me a lot of heartache and time. I would have been on to the next so much sooner.

I wonder how many people are out there in numbing, boring or uninspiring relationships trying to make it work because that’s what they feel they should do? I totally believe in falling in love, but my story leads me to believe that there are times that you have to fall out of it. Here’s a list of 4 reasons why people should fall out of love:

1. Infidelity. Yes people make mistakes, and sometimes infidelity can be forgiven. However, there are some serious issues that need to be brought to the forefront when one partner makes the decision to cheat. When it comes to infidelity, I think a woman should trust her intuition to help her decide to stay or to go.

2. Trying to teach an old dog tricks. Don’t go into a relationship thinking that the man you are dating will be “the one” after a few tweaks. You can change a man’s hair color, his clothes, maybe even the car he drives, but you cannot change his personality and character. Going into a relationship accepting the man whom you are dating will be more successful than trying to change him. If you find yourself picking apart your man every chance that you get, he might not be the one for you.

3. Abuse -Verbal or Physical. If your partner is abusing you physically or verbally, it’s time for intervention. You may love your partner, but somewhere along the way your partner learned it was okay to take his aggression out on you. It’s not okay. It’s time to get some professional help or move on.

4. He’s just not that into you. I believe that persistence pays off, but don’t talk yourself into believing that someone is interested in you when he is just being friendly. If you have spent a considerable amount of time with X and still he hasn’t asked you out, he’s probably not interested. If you’re still not convinced-spend some time with the movie “He’s Just Not that Into You.”

time to let go...

On your journey to falling out of love, there may be complications. For instance, maybe your relationship doesn’t only involve you and your significant other. Perhaps you have children with the man you are trying to fall out of love with. This is tricky, but ask yourself if you would like your children to have the same type of relationship that you and your significant other are displaying. If it is one that’s filled with violence, abuse, or hatred it might be time to let it go. However, maybe what you need is some counseling to communicate better with your partner.

If you decide to re-kindle the flame on a stagnant relationship be patient and realize that it’s going to take some work. And if you find that your relationship is doing more harm then good, it may be time to fall out of love.

The booty call is all about the sex.  You don’t have to see the other person again if you choose not to. There’s no wining and dining, no cute dates or romance. In fact, the less time you spend with your booty call, the better.

The committed relationship is just as it sounds-two people in a monogamous union. Hopefully at this stage, both partners trust each other and the games have been put aside.

The open relationship is the most complicated and frustrating of the three, because it has all the benefits of a relationship, but without the commitment. It’s not as simple as the booty call, because people in an open relationship actually spend time together.

“No Strings Attached,” and “Friends with Benefits,” two 2011 Hollywood flicks, have blazed the trail on the topic of open relationships. In my opinion, and with two fictional tales backing as evidence, when you combine two people, intimacy, and a relationship void of rules, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Before I explain why open relationships do not work, I’d like to explore what kind of person would want an open relationship. The simplest explanation would be that person is not ready.  The more detailed explanation involves a major case of “Peter Pan Syndrome”. This person wants the benefits of a relationship, but is too immature to deal with “adult” responsibilities like commitment. For whatever reason he does not want to be tied down. He likes you, but still wants to keep his options open. Be aware that “not a relationship type of guy,” “just got out of a relationship and not ready for anything serious,” “I’m focusing on my career,” may be segues into “I don’t want a commitment, I want to sleep around.”

It’s your business if you want to agree to an open relationship, but I’m warning you-it’s not going to work in the long run. An open relationship upsets the delicate balance of a relationship, and one person is always going to have the upper hand. Sure it might be fun and exciting at first, but give it a little while and the fact that he still wants to keep his options open is going to start eating away at you.

Does it make you comfortable to know that at anytime your partner can sleep with whomever he wants? We’re talking about possible diseases here people. Also, you’re opening yourself up to heartbreak and emotional turmoil. It’s simple-the disadvantages of an open relationship outweigh its advantages.

Men: If you want to sleep around, just stick with the booty call. It’s not fair to a woman to keep her around until the next best thing comes along. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.  Women: Respect yourself and do not agree to an open relationship.