I spent many years of my career waiting around for validation. Waiting for a boss, or superior to tell me that my work was good. In doing so I failed to realized that I was giving way too much power to someone who couldn’t possibly care about my life as much as I do.  I waited years and years… Earlier this year, I finally came to realize that I was waiting for something that was unlikely to happen. I spent a lot of time, doing the best I could, waiting for others to choose me, approve me and give me permission to progress in my work.

I am not denying that receiving feedback is important, getting others to know the value in your work is important. What happens when they don’t see it as you do? Do you then stop believing that you are good altogether, because they haven’t validated your perception of your worth. I think there is a big difference between accomplishing goals and realizing that you work means something. If you have something you want to do, DO IT ! Don’t wait for someone to tell you that you are good enough to do it. All that matters is that you believe you can. After seeing how much time I wasted waiting for validation, I have taken things into my own hands and decided to do something about it. There is no reason anyone should wait for someone else to decide if they are worthy enough.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were waiting for validation in your career?

Broken Heel Moments- I have them all the time. That is actually why I started this blog, to prove to you and me that no matter what happens, no matter the fall that you can get back up if you choose to.  It’s easier said than done sometimes. Like right now, I have just been faced with a bigger Broken Heel Moment – than I have faced in a while. I am sitting here almost having a panic attack, not knowing what to do. How do I feel? In all honesty I feel broken, unworthy, betrayed, mad all at once. I often think to myself, how could someone love me when I feel in shambles when these moments happen. I was just speaking to a friend of mine and telling him this and he answered

“I think they love the woman that keeps getting back up”. For a moment, I had almost forgotten what I preach on this blog, that despite the obstacle you can overcome it. I had almost forgotten that this too shall pass. I guess what got the best of me is thinking that, maybe this broken heel moment could have been prevent if I made better decisions. I am partly disappointed at the person who put me in this predicament- but I also feel that I should have known better.  I should have been prepared just in case this would happen.

I can forgive, and learn to let go of the way my friend is making me feel right now. I do feel very upset with her – and almost feel that she tried to pull a fast one with me. I am very cautious in my relationships with people, I don’t let people in easily, so when they manage to trick me multiple times, I am more mad at myself than I am at them.

*EXHALE* I just have to remember and keep telling myself “THIS TOO SHALL PASS” and one day I will look back at this and it will all be a distant memory, just a grain of salt in my past. Now, I must get to working on mending this broken heel, it’s not going to be easy.

Sometimes if not most often, I believe that people should say what they mean to say. I can’t imagine anything worst than living your whole life, witholding how you really feel about things, keeping it all to yourself. Life is too short to not share what you are really feeling with others. Last week, I took my heart in my hand or I put it on my sleeve I should say and poured it all out. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to do it, because I knew they wouldn’t understand. So… I did it. I wrote it out, in this blog to free myself of my thoughts. I didn’t think he would read it but he did. Turns out he more than read it, he loved it. Reading his email on my post made me so happy !  We were able to reach a new level of understanding, that I don’t think we would have reached if I didn’t take the chance to say what I meant to say. Sounds cheesy I know but trust me, sometimes you just need to say what you feel like. Without thinking about the consequences, without thinking about anything other than freeing yourself of what you have been holding on to. I feel so liberated now that I have done this.

Him and I understand where each other are coming from, I feel free and happy about it. This would surely not have happened if I didn’t take the time to say what I wanted to say without worry.

“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self – assessment and repentance that demands personal honest and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”

-Eric Zorn

We all know, that time is almost upon- Christmas time ! The decorations are slowly going up, Christmas music is slowly getting played everywhere. Everyone is getting into the mood, one day at a time. One thing I am thinking about, other than going home to be with my family, I can’t help but already think of  New Year’s Resolutions. I am always late on this, I wake up the 31st, preparing for my New Year’s celebration, and I quickly run through my year, thinking about whether or not I achieved my resolutions from the year before, and what my new resolutions should be. Not everyone makes resolutions, call them what you want, whether you actually make them on New Year’s I think we all make some sort of plan for the upcoming year. I decided I would start thinking about it early this year, so I can take enough time to think back at 2009, without rushing, and see how I measured to the resolutions I had set.I always find it interesting, that on January 1st or the week following, most people have a brand new optimistic approach, and a new set of goals. I always wondered… How many people stick to their resolutions?

Do you set resolutions on New Year’s? How are you so far with the resolutions you set for 2009?

One thing is for sure, I think I should write it down this year. LOL I normally just make a mental note of it.  To me January 1st represents a new beginning, it’s almost like the first day of school. (Probably also because my birthday is in January) I know that I don’t actually need a new year to do this, but this is what it is for me

Do you use January 1st, as a fresh start? Is there another date that you use or time of year that you use as a new beginning? Have you already started thinking about resolutions? What are some of the resolutions you would like to make for 2010?

My guy friend came to town this past weekend. I didn’t expect to see him, as I thought he would be spending time with his girlfriend. Saturday night he asked if I wanted to go out with them. I tried so hard to find someone to come with me, I didn’t know what to expect, and surely was not up to be a third wheel. No one was up to it. I knew this would be a great opportunity to spend some time with them, and get to know her a little bit.

Turns out, I had a great time. She was very nice, and I saw immediately why he liked her. She is a very sweet girl. Unlike some of my guy friend’s girlfriend’s she actually made an effort to talk to me. We conversed, and partied. All around good time. I am glad I went out although I was apprehensive, not wanting to be the third wheel. Very glad I went,  I am happy for him

Lesson learned, stepping out, and making the effort to get to know your guy friend’s girlfriend is ALWAYS a good idea. Especially if the friendship means a lot to you. I could see that he was happy that I we finally got to meet, and got along.

As promised, just wanted to keep you posted on the progress of this since the last post Guy friends and their girlfriends

I like this quote a lot ! In my past, for a long time, I thought I needed certain people to be a part of my life. Whether for validation, comfort or simply for companionship. I always believed I needed them. Truth is, sometimes I held on to some people that didn’t appreciate me the same way I appreciated them. What  waste of time. I actually would think that it was something to do with me. Regardless of what the reason is, the point is, there is no need to wonder. If you are ever in a situation where you are giving your all, and receiving nothing in return- KEEP IT MOVING ! Seriously, as the quote says – you don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you. Find people that are more valuable of your time, and more appreciative of  you.  Anything else, is a waste of time. SIMPLE ! The End.