(I love this picture, I want this on top of my bed…)

I am still in the mindset of cheating and cheaters, since finding out about my father over the weekend. When I heard about the news, I wasn’t supposed to know, and although I tried to act like I wasn’t fased by it. I sure was. Immediately I panicked and texted my Mr. and said to him ” I know this text is completely random but promise me that if we are married later, and you want out or want to cheat you will let me know, promise”

He’s so smooth with his words, which is one of the many reasons I am head over heels for him. He always knows what to say to calm me and reassure me that its all going to be ok. So he replies ” I think we have established a foundating of truth here already, princess. I promise to always respect you and all aspect of our relationship”.

I know he must have gotten my first text and thought I was crazy, but he went out of his way to reassure me. I love that he understands that sometimes I may be prone to thinking in patterns that were constituted by my past, he is aware of this and takes into consideration. I trust my Mr. with all my heart, does the fact that I found out about my father make me think that he too will cheat on me on day? No, but I did want him to know that if he ever felt the urge to that I would welcome him telling me. I am terrified of my parent’s past repeating itself in my future, and he knows this. Sometimes  I have broken heel moments due to the past my parents laid before me, and my Mr. loves me through them, patiently.

“How did we make it here?” , “Where ?” pretending I am completely oblivious to the fact that we are walking arm in arm, happy as ever, walking past his old apartment from 7 years ago. He answers “Here ! You know this place, where we are, this stage, how did we get here?”. I think about this for a long moment, and maybe I am so happy to be with him, I can’t even think of the HOW, all I know is it feels absolutely divine. Him and I together it has always felt right. I didn’t really care to know how we made it here, as much as I cared to just remain here. I guess to remain here, I would have to find out how we got here.

When I saw him last night, there was no doubt in my mind that this was my man. I felt so peaceful, I felt so happy, I didn’t want it to end. His touch gave me shivers, walking holding on to him made my heart smile. I didn’t want him to go back (away to school). I wanted to tell him to stay, I knew he couldn’t. I wanted to tell him to come back, I knew he couldn’t. Mostly I wanted to tell him, that I was ready and that we should do this. Then I decided not to rush the speed of things but I really didn’t think we needed further proof that we were both completely head over heels for each other.  I didn’t say any of those things, but when I felt the urge to, I spoke them silently to myself. I know that there is a chance that he may have known all along what I was speaking in my heart. Read more…

Read more…

Before we can work on the problems, we have to fix our souls. Our souls are broken in this nation.

-Michelle Obama

Nothing could be closer to the truth. How many times have we tried to take on all these problems, trying to fix everything before working on ourselves? I have countless times. The truth is until we “fix our souls” or work on ourselves first, we cannot help or fix anything else. Once we are at peace with ourselves, at one with our person can we start to make things better in other areas.